SPIRITUAL MARKERS

Yesterday, Pastor Fred reminded us of a little journey our body set out on together as a congregation some six months ago. He asked us to pray about God's work in our lives, using past and current circumstances to see how He was moving in us, and to pay special attention to spiritual markers along the way. Fred shared his own testimony of how God had used Isaiah 45 to speak to him in a marvelous way.

Frankly, I made the commitment along with many others but soon lost the card I'd written it on and forgot all about it. So when He asked the congregation for volunteers to come up and share what God had been doing in their lives and what those spiritual markers were (are) I sat dumb. As others began to talk, it all came back to me and I was able to see clearly how God has been at work in and through Steve and me in fostering. Rather than rewrite the whole account, I'm going to share the message I wrote to Fred in response to his sermon.

(Edited only to protect my foster kids' identities and to fix a couple typos I found.)

Dear Fred,

It has been a long time since I've really talked with you or sent you an update on the Hughes' household. After your message yesterday, I realized it's past due time to tell you how much we appreciate you and Kerrie - the way you genuinely care for the body of GracePoint and for all you give to us. I believe we're all growing Christians because of your endurance and perseverance. So for the record, since you haven't heard it for awhile, and not near enough anyway, well done good and faithful servant! I know those are the words you long to hear from our Savior in the end and they sound shallow coming from me, but I believe that's what He thinks of you =D

Back in February, I remember writing on a commitment card of some sort that I needed to be a better listener. That included listening to my friends, to those in need and most of all to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart and teach me His ways.

Since then, life has been an incredible roller coaster ride for us with foster kids. We knew they were coming and in fact, I think the Sunday I made that commitment we had just gotten or were about to take on our first.

Well, some time went by without any action or even thought about that commitment. I was so caught up in figuring out how to deal with damaged kids and the differences Steve and I were having regarding those issues that God was nowhere on my list. I was listening intently to counsel from case workers and scrambling to put everything I heard into action. But alas, I felt like a total failure and just wanted to run away. Being a foster parent seemed like a very bad idea as I curled up in my closet to cry.

Then for one minute a couple months ago I was quiet and I heard His tender voice speak. "Meet with me."

Wouldn't you get up and run to Him and say, "Oh Father, thank you! Here I am, tell me all I need to know!"

Am I that smart? Let's just say I'm a work in progress and some work takes more time. I heard, but I did not obey. I was just like what I'm going through with one of our foster kids these days, poking around looking for something to wear and deciding nothing was going right so I'd just sit on my pity potty and whine by myself.

I was in a discount store one day when I found a beautiful faux-jewel studded journal that I thought would be good for our girl to write in when she was having a meltdown. Then after I saw her shred a few notebooks during her tantrums I decided I wasn't going to give it to her just to destroy, and it would be unreasonable to ask her to promise not to ruin it when she's mad because she was already having to learn to manage other aspects of this behavior.

One day as I was chastising myself for failure to meet with God regularly, that book caught my eye and I decided to make it my prayer journal. I grabbed it, my Bible and a pen and sat down to pray. I began reading 1 Peter and prayed for specific guidance regarding the kids, then I sat and just waited. I actually shut up and waited to hear the Holy Spirit speak. Guess what happened? He is faithful. He led me to other scriptures and answered all my questions and poured out His wisdom. It was such an awesome feeling to be back once again at the feet of my Savior, being comforted, strengthened, and filled with His wisdom.

As always happens, I strayed again five days ago and got caught up in the busyness of life, forgetting to meet with Jesus first. I was folding clean laundry a little while ago and heard Him speak again. "Just because you forgot for a time doesn't mean you can't stop what you're doing and come talk to me now."

This time I stopped what I was doing and went for my Bible, journal and pen. I opened the Bible intending to go back to 1 Peter. But instead, I just left it open where it fell and opened my journal on top of it, pouring my heart out and writing my request for guidance to deal with our boy's depression and defiant behavior. Then there was a strong inclination to read where the Bible had fallen open. You'll be amazed at where God took me. Isaiah 45:2-3.

There is little reward in fostering. People who do this for money must be insane - they couldn't pay me enough to sacrifice my life for the sake of children who hate us just because we're foster parents. This is the Lord's call and we know He wouldn't ask us to do something He wouldn't give us the love, strength and power to endure.

So I go to His word, I sit in the lap of His holiness and I ask Him to speak to me. And He does. Because He is God and God is faithful. And when I'm quiet, I hear Him. The God of Israel who levels mountains, breaks bronze gates, cuts through bars of iron, and loves me enough to call me by name, joined me in the darkness in tears; He is my treasure. He fills my heart with the richest love for these little ones, a richness that cannot compare with money.

Did I ever tell you about my favorite book? It's called Though None Go With Me by Jerry Jenkins. It's a story of a woman who spends her whole life devoted to living for Jesus. It all began during a tent revival when an itinerant preacher gave an unusual altar call: (paraphrased from a very bad memory) "Do you want your life to have purpose and meaning? Are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of the cross? Are you willing to give your life to Jesus as an experiment in obedience?" The young teenager runs forward and throws herself prostrate crying out, "I want to live my life for Jesus as an experiment in obedience!" I was sitting in bed while I read that line some ten or more years ago. With tears streaming down, I cried out to Jesus, "make my life an experiment in obedience!"

Many times this experiment has failed, but I continue to try. God told me yesterday, as I heard Kerrie speak, "I forgive you and forgot all about that, just keep listening."

I wrote down yesterday as you were preaching, Seek; Wait; Watch; Listen; Act - watchful, expectant faith.

I really love these long term assignments you challenge GracePoint with. I don't always remember what I'm supposed to do but when I commit and write it down, the Holy Spirit does the reminding and goes to work in me. Perhaps it works that way in others too, for God knows the busy world we live in and our hearts desire to obey.

Bless you,
anne